…LOVED IT.

I’ve been a S&TC fan for a long time, so the release of this movie was the highlight of my year so far.  I couldn’t wait to see it, and although it tore me up to skip it on opening night (the crowds in Miami are crazy) it was definitely worth the wait!

Every S&TC fan should see this movie, especially if you followed the show religiously or you know what, even if you only saw one season - see this film.

It provides closure for you for all four of the starring women, and more than that - it empowers you to move on into better things with your life.  After all, the S&TC fans are also ten years older now - and wiser, to boot.

I saw so much of myself in the movie, through these women, in past events and those yet to come.  I know I’m still young (27) but that doesn’t mean I’m any less of a sensual, empowered woman than those in the show.  I haven’t been through the chaos of my thirties yet, but although I lead a much different lifestyle entirely (just because I live in the city of beautiful people doesn’t mean I’m out hunting new meat every night) I can still fully identify with each of their issues.  For it doesn’t matter where you come from, or where you’ve been, if you’re a woman - you’ve been here at some point in your life.  And if you haven’t, then buck up; it’s about to happen whether you like it or not.

So, I applaud the actors for coming together for a final film, to give us long-time fans the missing piece to that puzzle and the glue to hold it together with.  I thank all of them for the effort, for going back in time for one last hurrah and for doing it with such style.  I wouldn’t expect anything less than the best, and I got it.

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Okay so I’m not eating bread anymore. Started on Monday. I’ve been carefully checking packages to make sure they don’t contain white flour, because this is the over-processed flour that is the root of the “bad carb” problem and most certainly my issue in terms of weight gain.

So far, so good. It’s really not that bad. I always want it though and it’s amazing how much bread you eat without even thinking. For instance, pizza and croutons, pancakes, waffles. All of these are bread-derived unless you buy the whole-wheat, whole-grain versions. I’m not even sure how much of the whole-wheat breads are actually whole-wheat. I almost feel like I should go to a Whole Foods Market or the organic isle in the Publix to find some alternatives. Perhaps I’ll research on the web to see what is kosher and what isn’t when it comes to this wheat thing…

If you have suggestions, let me know. I’m grasping at straws here!

I got an email from my mother, who read yesterday’s post, telling me not to overdo it with this “no carbs” thing. She mentioned that anything is okay in moderation - and she’s right.

Don’t worry, I’m not completely cutting carbs. I believe carbs are great, they give you instant energy and keep your body working and metabolizing throughout the day. What I’m doing is not “no” carbs - it’s “low” carbs. I’m cutting out the bad carbs and refined sugars found in white bread and candy and replacing it with good carbs (milk, yogurt, etc) and natural sugars (fruits, honey, etc).

I can’t lie though. Right now, I wish I had some cheesy garlic bread. Sigh. That’s okay. I’m alright. I’ll go check out my Just Dreaming page and imagine those awesome jeans on mah butt.

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I haven’t updated in a while because my most gorgeous mother was here visiting for a couple of weeks.  It was quite possibly the single most wonderful 15 days of my life in the past few months.  Not only was it a great visit, it was also an experience in realizing that I need to put myself before others, not necessarily my children, but those around me who don’t mean quite as much as my babies do.

For some reason, I always want to take care of everyone else before me and then I rationalize my own deterioration as being unselfish.  After all, there’s nothing more heroic than being completely unselfish right?  Sure, until you fall apart and then you’re no good to anyone.

I’ve allowed myself to get to a point now where I’m frustrated with my inability to prioritize effectively.  I need to make better use of my time.  I know it’s full at the moment and finding gaps in there to give back to myself will be difficult but it has to be done.  And by this I mean, giving myself: time to work out, eat right, get enough sleep and spend time with my kids the way I’d like to - not just stories before bedtime if you get my drift.

So, a few changes.

I spoke with my Mom while she was here, and we both decided to cut certain items from our diet one week at a time.

The first week, which was last week, I cut soda.  I haven’t had any soda now for about a week and a half.  I’m drinking Crystal Light tea, water, milk, juice and coffee.

The second week, which is this week, we decided to cut out all breads.  I’ve decided to take it a step further - I’m limiting all white flour carbs to near zero.  White flour carbs include bread but also certain cereals.  Along with this, I’m cutting my intake of refined sugars.

It’s obvious, and I knew this six years ago, that my body doesn’t deal well with carbs and sugars.  I’m not active enough (working behind a computer daily doesn’t help) to burn the instantly digested sugars.  If I don’t do something about this now, I’ll probably end up with high blood pressure and diabetic.  Yikes.  I’m not dumb enough to know that I’m aging (every single day) and with that comes a dramatic decrease in my ability to metabolize my food.

Recognizing that there is a problem was half the battle, but now I just have to pick up the oar and paddle my way to shore as an individual.  Nobody can make these choices for me but myself, and I suppose I’ve wasted 27 years sailing back and forth between “yes” and “no.”  Such a tragedy really.

Finally, one last major change announcement…  I need to be accountable.  In order to do this, I’m going to transform this blog into a following of this new path I’ve decided to take.  Inspiration, information and progress.  I’ll be importing blog entries from a previous site I used to maintain, so don’t be surprised if there are suddenly new posts all over the place.

Here’s to choosing the path less traveled.

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Another year older.  27 to be exact.

It’s amazing how people’s reactions change as you age.  When I turned 19 and 20, everyone said “You’re almost there!” referring to the drinking age of 21.  When I turned 21, 22, 23 and 24, everyone said Happy Birthday!  Where’s the party?! And when I turned 25, 26 and now 27, everyone reminds me that I’m getting older.  I’m not kidding.

Today already, 2 people have said “Wow you’re old.”  I laughed, because it’s funny in a way, but then I thought “Am I really getting THAT old?”

That’s when you think about it… I’m 27 now, almost 30… and 30 leads to 40 which leads to 50 which leads to.. OMG!  In 20 years I’ll be 50!!  What will I have done with my life by that point?

Queue the thought process of how little I’ve accomplished these past 27 years…  Cry.  Get depressed.  Eat Oreo ice cream (might as well!!  Who needs to be thin when you’re OLD!!!).  Ok, done.

So now lets think about this logically.  I’m 27.  I’ve been out here on my own expected to do something with my life since about 20.  That means I’m really only responsible for the past 7 years, not 27.  After all, everything before the age of 20 didn’t really involve me thinking about my life in any kind of responsible manner.

Now it doesn’t seem so bad.  After all, I’ve only had SEVEN years to do something with my life!!  That’s such a short period of time!!  I could nearly triple that in the next 20, so by the time I’m 50 I should be four times as successful as I am now!!!

I’m such a geek.

Going to see a girlie movie with Rick.  This is the annual day of the year where he shows me just how much he loves me by going with to the girliest movie I can find, where there’s nothing but women and gay men (who dress better than many women by the way) and try hard not to fall asleep.

I love him.

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I remember managing a hockey team back when I was 19 years old. I had to convince my boss, a top dog Sales and Marketing manager who made more than I could dream of per year selling sports and building amazing pro teams, that age didn’t matter.

When I interviewed, I remember him saying “Well, you’re 19; that’s what scares me.”

My response was, “I’m 19. That should intrigue you.”

I sold myself to him and I spent the next year working my ass off to make sure he never regretted that decision to put me in a position with such tremendous responsibility. I was managing an office, playing secretary, sales associate and bookkeeper and handling three other employees. Pulling 13 hour days, I computed game night transactions, ran Quickbooks when I didn’t even know the program existed and deposited every single dollar, after game nights and during the week, in the dark bank parking lot thinking “Shit, I’m going to get robbed.”

But I still did it.

He believed in me, he had faith in me. His faith alone filled me with enough pride and courage to fight the front lines even if I didn’t believe in the battle itself.

He was so much bigger than I was, but I learned more in that one year than I could have ever imagined. Of course he moved on; Minot was just a stepping stone (hockey is big in the north, small town or not) as he made his way through to the pro leagues in Canada. I knew he wouldn’t be in Minot for long, but he taught me lessons that will last a lifetime.

So here I am, in a position again where I feel the same level of responsibility in my work. I believe in something again and my passion for what I do is endless. I’m up late nights, reading, learning. My boss probably thinks I’m off work relaxing but I’m online listening to conference feeds, reading books on PHP and MySQL5, Analytics, statistics, current trends in web development and business and new technology which is driving the future of the work we do and the products we create.

When I wake up in the morning, I take care of my little ones and then sit down, instantly, on the computer (usually by 8:30 am) to start reading my emails. I go over earnings information. I check up on stuff that is outstanding. I grab the latest news. And by 10 am, my day is in full swing - rocking back and forth like a boat on the ocean - until I finally call it quits and drive home at 5:30-6:30. At 8, when the kids are asleep, I’m back on the PC again learning away.

But.. today was different.

Today, for the first time, I felt as if all of the time and effort I’ve put into this was somewhat in vain. I feel as if there is no faith in my work, my ability to handle tasks responsibly, to work independently and with the trust I feel I deserve for all of the dedication I’ve put into it.

I feel let down.

I thought, what did I do to have broken this trust? Was the trust ever really there in the first place, or just a grand facade? Why do these people feel that I am incapable of accomplishing my goals without someone breathing down my throat? Sure, I’m not perfect; I have my faults. I don’t always think ahead. I’m pretty hard on myself. I tend to take on too much at once, but I always work through it in the end. I step up when I know it’s push or shove.

I really wanted to be part of the family, but then I realized that a family is exactly what this is - and always has been - since before I came along. You can’t change relations; it is what it is. Years precede me here and, for that, I feel like a stepchild.

The single truth is simple, but dark: No matter how hard I work, no matter how many hours I spend away from my children and family, I’m bound to get trampled in everyone else’s path to look out for #1.

My chest hurts when I hear it, but this little voice in the back of my mind is screaming If you put your faith in me, I’ll fight to the death for you.

So much for valor.

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And all I can think about is code.

code…code…more code…IF statements… DO….else…while…

I dream about it.

I consider situations before falling asleep and they work themselves into my dream life.  For instance, last night I dreamt that my daughter got a letter from the school stating that she would be in 2nd grade next year because IF{($child) !=K}{1+(1)} EQUALS SECOND GRADE!  Lord.

So now I have an exam due for this intro to Computer Science class.  It’s cake.  Seriously.  I don’t even know why I didn’t ask to skip it this class but whatever, I figured they wanted me to take it for a reason.  I really should have an saved myself the time later.  The “reason” behind me taking it was definitely the money they reaped in return for me boring myself half to death relearning what a PERSONAL COMPUTER is.

But anyway, so this exam is due on Excel and all I can say is, do I really have to go THAT FAR BACK to basics?  Grr.  Such a waste of my time.  I’m beginning to believe my boss when he says that college isn’t everything; it’s just money spent I think on a piece of paper that employers can staple to your manila folder to cover their asses later in case you screw up royally and the big cheese in the glass office screams “WHO THE HELL HIRED THIS GUY?”

I suppose I’ll go take it now.  Might as well get it out of the way…

OH before I go, Journey got a fish.  Yes, a fish.  A blue Beta she named Lightning.  Her great-grandmother Michuca brought it over on Sunday afternoon along with the perfect little Beta tank.  It has a Whisper air filter and everything and a little light that she can change the colors of (red or blue) to illuminate the little fish’s habitat.  Rick took her to PetCo and got her some red rock to put in the bottom and a few little signs and a plant.  The fish seems happy enough.  He hides by the filter of course, which spurred Journey to ask for a net so that she could catch him and bring him back out again.  I laughed and told her that the poor fish would probably suffer a heart attack if she tried to catch him so she decided against that idea.  Better to have an alive fish than one who is dead right?

Here’s the kicker…  So she gets home from school and the first thing she asks: “Is Lightning alive?” as if the fish was going to keel over before the 24 hour mark.  I had to laugh.

As we all know, Betas are hard to get rid of…unless you drown them of course… YOU SHUSH MOM…  so I assume that this little fish will be alive and happy by the time Sophia is walking and attempting to knock his plexi glass home over. :)  We can only pray for such drama.

Of I go now to switch gears in my brain and take an Excel comprehensive that I swear to you is the biggest waste of time.  May the force be with you.

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…just got me.

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Where have all the honey bees gone?

Apparently, honey bees are disappearing all over the globe…and no one is quite sure why. I actually heard of this phenomenon through the news a few months back, but was reminded once again of the issue while reading (amazingly enough) a carton of Haagen-Dazs ice cream.

The issue of healthy honey bees dying came into the public eye back in 2006 when concerned beekeepers alerted officials concerning the problem. According to reports, perfectly healthy honey bees were abandoning their hives in huge numbers, never to return. They flew away and died alone.

Researches have named this problem Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD) and claim that the bees are becoming ill, possibly from pesticide exposure, poor food supply and a new virus targeting bee immune systems. Unfortunately, there is little known about the problem. Research continues but is expensive, and thus Haagen-Daz ice cream has launched a program to help the honey bees (http://www.helpthehoneybees.com) where a portion of their profits and all items sold in their Bee Store go to honey bee research.

Why should we care?

I’m sure you’re thinking that, sure, honey bees make flowers pretty but they also sting me. Why should I care if they disappear or not?

I shouldn’t have to (but probably need to) remind you that honey bees are responsible for the pollination of millions of food products eaten each day by human beings as well as many other species of animals. Cucumbers, pumpkins, cherries, strawberries, squash, apples and even almonds are all flowering plants which require honey bee pollination to produce. If honey bees continue to disappear, or are wiped out completely, our food supply will end up in grave danger - along with hundreds of other species. If those species die off, a domino effect will occur which could be disastrous.

So how can we help?

There are many ways to assist.

First, we need to do our part to replenish the bee food supply. Plant flowers or vegetables and fruit in your backyard which will provide a great source of fresh pollen and nectar for bees to eat. Your vegetables are much less likely to be affected by pesticides and other harsh chemicals. If you have a large backyard, pick an area away from your lounge spot where the bees can pollinate freely without bothering you (or you bothering them). Even if you don’t eat the vegetables that you plant, you’ll still be helping the bees.

Second, diversify your yard plants. Choose trees that flower or plants with many different types of shapes and colors. These attract honey bees and provide nectar for them to feed upon. Also, be sure to pick plants which flower at differing times of the season - this way, you’ll always have a pollinating plant to offer your local honey bee population.

Finally, be aware of what you’re spraying on your lawn. Some “lawn foods” are full of chemicals which are harmful to the local insect population, including bees. Check brand names, call the companies if you have to and find out if what you’re using will hurt the honey bees around you. Remember, a lawn is nothing without beautiful flowers and plants - and they can’t survive without honey bees.

More Information

If you want more information on the honey bee problem, check this article on the Natural Resources Defense Council website: The Bees’ Needs

For a fun, informative and interesting look at the honey bee problem, take a moment to check the Haagen-Daz “Help The Honey Bees” bee site. They’re great supporters and they even have an area where you can create your own bee! I made a cute little pigtailed honey bee with pretty eyelashes. You’ll really enjoy it. And when you’re done, you can check their Bee Store - where all bee product purchases go to help honey bee research.

Haagen-Dazs HelpTheHoneyBees

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My favorite video…

Journey dances to it all the time.

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